Recently, there has been a debate on social media around a particular Vogue article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” by Chanté Joseph.
The article discusses how women’s online behavior towards sharing their romantic relationships have changed. As an avid netizen who is brand new to the dating scene, I have a few comments of my own.
The article speaks on how social media rewards women for centering their identities around their boyfriends, dubbing it “Boyfriend Land,” and that having and posting about a partner was seen as a social achievement.
To which I agreed. I grew up in the era of social media, where “#couplegoals” was popular. I would spend countless hours scrolling through my favorite celebrities’ pages and seeing how picture-perfect their boyfriends were.
As a middle schooler, I would see my friends excited to post on “Man Crush Mondays” and show off their new beau.
However, as social media became more and more ingrained in our daily lives, posting a boyfriend became more like showing a prized possession, at least in my high school. The world was very boy-centered; whoever had the “hottest” boy’s jersey, sweater or was their date to homecoming was essentially hailed as the “queen bee.”
As we got older and high school became more of a contest of who was the most popular girl dating the most popular boy of the time, I started to dislike relationships. All the girls would view the guys as social media trophies. It felt very transactional.
Joseph’s article mentions that many women are pulling back, sharing subtle hints of relationships instead of full “hard launches.”
To those of you who do not know what a “hard launch” is, it is when you post a picture of your significant other for all of your followers to see. That’s it.
A new term and phenomenon that I have been seeing on social media is called “soft launches.” Which, as you can deduce, is the opposite of “hard launches.” They can be a picture of your significant other’s hand, or an image of two coffee cups on a table instead of one. Basically, softly launching that you have a boyfriend without plastering their face on your socials and feeding him to the wolves.
By wolves, I am referring to the fear that some netizens have that if they post their boyfriend, it would signal to others that he may be for the taking. Again, dating on social media, to me, seems like a hellscape.
For those who are not young people on social media, dating through social media has its own rules. For example, if you “like” someone’s Instagram story, that is apparently flirting. If you comment on someone’s post and compliment them, that is also flirting.
It’s stupid. If you haven’t pieced it together, I heavily dislike social media as a tool for dating.
Many people avoid posting their boyfriend out of superstition, fear of the “evil eye,” or maybe to avoid embarrassment.
The meaning of a partnership and womanhood is changing. Is having a boyfriend embarrassing?
Online culture mocks heterosexuality, deeming it lame and “Republican-like”. Another sentiment referenced in Joseph’s article is that “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.”
In my opinion, I think we all need to get off social media. This fear and dislike of boyfriends stems from centering our lives around social media.
You see too much “boyfriend” content because the algorithm pushed it onto your feed, and influencers make that content because it makes them money.
Years and years of conditioning social media users to post their picture perfect versions of their lives has led to this question that Joseph has tried to answer. Humans liked to be viewed highly, it’s how our brain works. The more likes, views, comments etc., the better you think of yourself.
I think another aspect of this question is, men and women alike are on social media. Men and women engage in these online behaviors equally.
When talking about online heterosexual relationships, I don’t think it’s a “boyfriend” problem. I think it’s a societal problem.
I feel like it’s placing blame on others instead of looking within ourselves. If you are dating a man that doesn’t treat you right, it’s most likely a problem within himself, not in the comments sections of your posts.
Having a boyfriend is only embarrassing because we let netizens dictate our feelings.
Social media rewards women for having a boyfriend and punishes women for having a boyfriend. The embarrassing aspect isn’t having a boyfriend, it’s letting other people tell you how you should live your life.
Don’t want your relationship online? Delete your social media and start a scrapbook.