SATIRE — Staff writers and editors alike were shaken after a baseball was shot through the window of Guillory Hall on Sunday.

Witnesses were unable to identify the attacker beyond the fact that they were wearing a baseball uniform. When asked by campus police whether or not the attacker was a Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns baseball player, one witness said “That honestly sounds like a mouthful, so I’m not quite sure.”

Regardless of team, The Vermilion is determined to track down whoever committed this heinous act. Currently, our only lead lies in the murder weapon left at the scene of the crime. The baseball is a standard regulation Louisiana-branded baseball. A UL baseball, if you will.

The Louisiana baseball is the classic white with red stitching, and appears to be brand-new aside from the word “RATIO,” written in all caps with a permanent marker.

The Louisiana baseball broke the front window of Guillory Hall at approximately 5 p.m. on Sunday. It carved a clean hole through the glass, indicating that the

baddie at bat had one hell of a swing. Some witnesses corroborate this theory, saying they heard a loud crack in the Union Plaza just before the glass shattered.

While it’s unclear as to who might have committed this crime, the motive is easy to guess. Last week, Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns Baseball fans took to social media to inform The Vermilion that the headline “Ticketmaster fees for UL Lafayette Baseball charge more than actual tickets” included incorrect branding. The headline has since been corrected.

One tweet from user @X_XxKrazyKajunFamsquadxX_X asked, “PLEASE brand the brand’s branding correctly !!! i know i’m not even paid by this organization and i’m literally subscribing to a us v. them mentality by choice, but i NEED the validation of the school that i went into debt for!!!”

This controversy could explain why someone would want to shoot a UL baseball through The Vermilion’s window. A Louisiana baseball sends the perfect message, that lovers of Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns Baseball will no longer tolerate years of incorrect branding from a lowly student newspaper.And we are listening.

As a beacon of journalism throughout the south, The Vermilion is always in pursuit of truth and accuracy in its reporting. That’s why this baseball, the UL Baseball, is being taken so seriously. We absolutely deserve to be ridiculed on social media, and this writer is looking forward to reading more of your tweets in the future.

Maybe, if we could all put down the bats and put down the keyboards, we’d be able to form a relationship built on our shared love of baseball and sports in general.

Isaac Henry, the sports writer who wrote the Ticketmaster story, is a literal angel. You’ll never find a more personable, dedicated staff writer and sports fan. Does he deserve to have baseballs shot at his head? Do any of us?

Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns Athletics have had their ups and downs over the years, just like The Vermilion. And while we’re no closer to solving the mysterious case of the UL Baseball, one thing is certain: The Vermilion will continue to report on the sports you love and the teams you’re passionate about, incorrect headlines or not.