There are very few artists that are able to catch my attention. Conan Gray just so happens to be one of those artists. Usually when I like an artist, I only really listen to the first album. For some reason, an artist’s music never really has a huge impact as their first album. Not saying that it is not possible for an artist to achieve this, but rarely does it happen. However, there is something that has to be said about Gray’s new album, “Superache.”

Besides SZA and Summer Walker, Conan Gray is the only artist right now that is able to capture me solely with his lyrics. This album takes us on a journey. He starts off the album with the song “Movies.” This song is basically an introduction on why Gray craves love so much; he idolizes the idea of love because he has never truly been in love. Like Gray, I think that it is safe to say that we all grew up watching romantic comedies. The leads were always in their own little bubble madly in love.

The next song changes to “People Watching.” As someone who has never been in love, I love seeing people I know insanely in love. Although, from an outsider it looks hilarious seeing people that are so closed off act like a full on extrovert when they are with their partner. In this song, he tackles the feeling of wanting what those couples he sees are experiences. 

As the album continues, he talks about how the only real love that he has ever experienced was platonic, and a part of him knows that his best friend and him will not always be together. He addresses the fear that we all have that life does happen. With him being so engulfed with the idea of love, he meets a guy that he will do anything for. On paper, this person is perfect. But, this person is only perfect because just like love, he fell in love with the idea of him. In reality, this person is showing him every reason why they should not be together.

He bonded with this person through trauma. From experience, anytime that you bond with someone through trauma, it is hard to share your accomplishments or good news with that person. It is even harder to hear that they are doing fine when you are breaking inside. You want to be happy for that person, but you know that in order for that to happen, you have to acknowledge that you guys are no longer in the same space that once connected you.  

When there’s nothing left to connect you to that person, all you have is memories to connect to them. I think when you have never experienced something, it is easy to obsess over the idea of it. He said that even if he could not have this guy the way that he wanted, he would settle for just being a footnote in life. 

In one part of the song “Yours,” Gray sings, “I can give you all you want, the stars and the sky, but still I am not enough.” You cannot force a person to love you back or correctly. Most people will love you the way that you love yourself. I think it says something when we are willing to sacrifice everything for someone and leave so little love for ourselves. It doesn’t just say that you have a good heart, but it says that if I don’t have their love then I am nothing. I am not complete. I am missing something, when we are already whole. But, I think Conan knew these things. In his mind, he probably thought at least he would still be a part of him in some way. Even if it is just a little part of him, he will take it. 

The last song on the album is called “The Exit.” When I reached this song, I thought he was going to take the steps to let this person go. As you have probably guessed, he didn’t. I am so glad that did not happen. Not because he won the guy back, but the fact that it was so relatable. I think we all have had a moment where we were stuck standing at the exit of letting a person go. You know that you should walk through the door, but there is something so powerful that is keeping you trapped in the doorway. The possibility that the person you love will change their mind and come back to you. To some people, this seems naive. 

However, that is the beauty of falling in love for the first time. You do not know everything. It is reckless and beautiful at the same time. Sometimes it can even be gut-wrenching. Especially, if you have to watch the person that you want so badly, move on so easily. He doesn’t end the album happy or healed, but aching. The album stands true to its name.