In 2017, the company Kelly Toys started a line of stuffed, pillow-like toys. These toys are known as Squishmallows. This line of toys comes in a range of designs, each having their own name and backstory, which allows the consumer to connect each character.

Squishmallows are categorized into different “squads,” which are essentially different themes that the toys are released under. The themes can range from vague ideas like “Classic Squad” and “Sassy Squad” to more specific themes, including brand collaborations like “Peanuts Squad” and “Pokemon Squad.”

While also making great pillows and emotional support buddies, Squishmallows can add to the decor in any room, made incredibly easy by over 1,000 designs catering to any interest and aesthetic.

In recent years, Squishmallows have become a collector’s item. Many Squishmallows are considered rare, based on their incredibly popular design. 

I, myself, have gotten swept up in the Squishmallow craze, having sought after many characters with no real regrets. 

With so many designs, there are bound to be some really great designs, as well as some really not-so-great ones. Although I cannot go through all the Squishmallows in existence to give a truly accurate rating of the best and worst Squishmallows, I can offer my opinion on which ones I think are good, okay and pretty bad.

When it comes to bad Squishmallows, I think that most of the holiday collections automatically count. There have been so many times I have been in a store, seen a Squishmallow that was really cute, only to be disappointed by a random phrase or tacky bunny ears or some other holiday-specific accessory.

Another category I think automatically falls into the bad category is any household item, like plants, food and other inanimate objects. Of course, there are exceptions, but these tend to lean into being random and unappealing. 

The last category that falls into the bad designs is any of the Squishmallows that have hair. 

Not the furry ones, no. The ones with hairstyles and headbands. These are the worst by far, and I will make no exceptions for them. 

Next, we’ll get into the medium category. 

They’re not the best, but they’re definitely not the worst. They’re… alright, I guess. 

This category is the cats, dogs and other designs that are pretty plain Jane. A great example of this is Puff and Piper, two penguins with extremely basic designs. There’s also Abby, a pink Octopus.

These three characters are solid colored and wear a very simple expression. 

In short, they don’t really have much going on. They’re great for a basic design, but don’t live up to their more detailed counterparts. 

Now, to the category we’ve all been waiting for: the best. 

In my opinion, the best Squishmallows have a unique design and a certain vibe about them that makes them have their own personality. Of course, I am no Squishmallow expert, so this is all my opinion, but truthfully I am still right, regardless. 

The first one is an exception to the worst category – a food. Specifically, Scarlett the Strawberry. The reason I think this one deserves an exception is because Squishmallow executes strawberry designs very well.

Take Adabell the Strawberry Frog for example. She’s a frog, designed like a strawberry. Tell me that’s not the cutest thing. 

Just as I am partial to strawberries, I also have an obsession with cows. So, obviously, I would love all the Squishmallow cow designs. All except Zinabell the Cow. Like I said, no exceptions to hair and headbands. That’s the hill I’m dying on. Besides, I’m too busy searching for the rare Connor the Cow to go around handing out exceptions.

I am not too busy, however, to give exceptions to those who deserve it, such as Emily the Bat. Technically, she is part of the Halloween Squad, but given that she doesn’t include any Halloween paraphernalia, in my heart of hearts, she is an everyday design. 

The last category I think deserves a place in the best category is the dinosaur designs. They’re all well-executed, and I want every single one. Except for Tyrus. Hair and headband, enough said. That also goes for Chuey and Xander. Why are they looking at me like they have thoughts?

And that’s it! An unofficial list of all the best and worst Squishmallows, as compiled by me. If anyone from Kelly Toys is reading this, please stop making Squishmallows with scary eyes and hairstyles.