As the daughter of a single mother and someone who has a family full of strong, independent women, I was always taught the importance of thriving in my femininity and connecting with other women. My mom would always have this tribe of women around her that would show up for her the minute she needed them. Some of those relationships are at least 10 years old. Watching this, naturally, I wanted the same thing for myself.
In elementary school, I was this bubbly ball of energy that wanted to talk to everyone around me, especially other girls. I was so desperate to make friends with them that I would continue to hang out with them after they had done something foul towards me. For example, one girl that I was friends with knew that I had a crush on this particular boy in fourth grade and she went and dated him.
In middle school, things got worse because we were more exposed to mature concepts such as going out unsupervised, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. I was fairly innocent back then, which was very uncommon at my middle school among girls. The crowd I hung out with was down to do any and everything, which made me the odd man out. While they were altering their uniforms to showcase their blossoming assets, I was reading books or practicing violin.
I distinctly remember this huge blowout I had with a couple of my friends back then because the two of them were interested in the same guy and I had intel on who the guy really liked.
I’ve always been a fairly honest person, so naturally, I told them that he would talk crap about both of them to his friends and that he wasn’t interested in either of them, however, he seemed to dislike one less than the other so I told her she would have the better chance.
Long story short, those people don’t even speak to me anymore and they probably never will. At the time, I didn’t understand what I did wrong, but in the age of social media, of course, there’s now a term that explains everything. According to the definition provided by numerous TikTok videos, my friends were mad at me because I wasn’t being a “girl’s girl”. If that term sounds stupid to you, don’t worry because I think it does too.
Apparently, being a “girl’s girl” means that you as a woman prioritize your relationships with women, are passionate about said relationships and relentlessly go out of your way to support other women. For any woman reading this article that might even consider being my friend, here’s a friendly warning: I am NOT a “girl’s girl”. Truthfully, I don’t believe that I will ever be again in life.
You know that saying that goes “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” That’s exactly how I feel when I initially think about making friends with women. It’s borderline traumatizing sometimes. I know that might sound a bit dramatic but I’ve been in enough horrible female friendships to the point where that is my reality. Most of my past ones have been full of mess, drama, lies, deceit, jealousy, manipulation and much worse.
I thought that once I got to college, it would get better. I was terribly mistaken. One of my “friends” from freshman year did something so unspeakable and unforgivable that every ounce of trust I had for her dissipated. It was my first year in college and I was already failing at making friends. Do you see my point now? I’m sure that by now, most of you believe that I’m the problem and I wholeheartedly believe that’s true. I just don’t typically mesh well with other women.
I’m not sure what it is about me, but regardless, it is what it is. Out of curiosity and maybe a bit of determination, I continued to try to make friends with women and though there were many failures, a couple of people have risen to the occasion and proven that there could still be hope for me in the realm of having lady friends. It’s only like 3-5 people though so I’m not getting my hopes up too high.
As I reflect on the person I used to be, I’m pretty sure that I used to pride myself on being a “girl’s girl”. I believe that it used to be an essential part of my personality and a big identity marker for me among my peers. Now, all I really care about when making friends is what the individual brings to the table. Most of my friends are males and that’s because it just seems to be less complicated with them.
For a short while, I thought that not being a “girl’s girl” made me less of a woman all around, especially considering that most women around me are. Then, I realized that was just my tendency to self-deprecate kicking in and I’m perfectly fine just the way I am. Being a “girl’s girl” may be the new norm among female friendships and that’s okay. I’m not a “girl’s girl” and that’s okay too.