I’m sure that every woman in the world, young and old, has seen a romantic film and/or TV show at least once in their lifetime. If you’re a woman and you haven’t, I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for you or congratulate you on your evasion of them. I remember my first romantic media encounter like it was yesterday. I was in elementary school and one night, my mom put on “The Notebook” while we were eating dinner.
Seeing the way Noah hung from a ferris wheel threatening to let go if Allie didn’t agree to go on a date with him made me think, “Wow, I want a man to want me like that.” Then, they spent the whole summer together doing all of these fun things, which made me love their relationship more. I did notice that things got a little volatile between them at certain points and Allie would hit Noah a lot, but I sort of ignored that.
I mean, they died together in the end because they wanted to be together forever. That’s so romantic, right? Wrong. First, why is he threatening his life to get a date with someone and why is that being portrayed as a good thing? I personally don’t believe that dying for a date is sensible or sane.
Secondly, how is arguing every other day and initiating slap fights healthy in a relationship? The allure of their connection and relationship on both their ends has continued to elude me as I’ve gotten older. I now wonder if it’s just me who’s missing something, as other people that I know have only had great things to say about Noah and Allie.
The most distinct point of toxicity in their relationship was when Allie had sex with Noah multiple times and stayed with him in his home while she was engaged to Lon. The movie basically made it seem like infidelity is okay, so long as you’re doing it for the sake of your “one true love.” Sorry to tell you guys, but no matter how you slice it, cheating in any sort of capacity is wrong.
Another example of a toxic couple in film/TV is the infamous Edward Cullen and Bella Swan from “Twilight”. If I could sum up exactly what was wrong with them in one sentence, it would be “He just wanted to eat her!”
After reading all of the novels of the series, including the one written from Edward’s perspective, and watching all of the films from the franchise more than once, I have come to the solid conclusion that Edward never loved Bella and she was just a temptation for him that he wanted to keep around. He quite literally called her blood/scent “his own personal brand of heroine.”
If you believe that’s a solid example of love, that’s up to you but for me, it’s more of a cannibalistic desire. More importantly, to me at least, the “Twilight” franchise highlighted Bella’s toxic relationship with herself. From the beginning, all she wanted to do was be anything but herself, so much so that she was willing to lose her life to become something else.
Her self worth began to hinge upon the condition of her relationship with Edward and with every film, that tether became stronger and stronger. In “New Moon”, the second film in the franchise, Bella goes through this three-to-four month long spout of deep depression due to Edward leaving her. It causes her to distance herself from her friends and even do reckless activities such as approaching random drunk men.
This spiral gets so bad to where she even attempts to end her life by jumping off of a cliff. All the while, she keeps beating herself up for being a human because her “fragility” poses complications to her and Edward’s relationship. She is only satisfied with herself once she becomes a vampire in “Breaking Dawn: Part Two” and discovers she has a special ability like Edward.
While I’m sure many of us as viewers never thought of their relationship in that way or her relationship with herself in that way, the proof is in the pudding. These two film couples aren’t even the gist of it. In the show “You”, the main character, Joe Goldberg, is literally driven by “love” to murder people.
Once he meets his match made in hell, Love Quinn, he “realizes” that what he does is crazy, but still proceeds to continue doing so for his next love interest, Marianne. Even in kids’ television shows, like “Victorious” on Nickelodeon, toxic behaviors like yelling and screaming at your partner or threatening to break up with them every five seconds is portrayed as “typical relationship problems.”
It is truly disgusting that filmmakers and showrunners continue to sell this toxic example and air about relationships, leading viewers to believe that it’s actually okay to experience those things. Yes, we as adults should be able to differentiate between fact and fiction, but younger viewers don’t know any better and to be completely honest, if this is all you see being represented, it’s hard to know that it’s not all that’s out there.
Hollywood needs to do a better job of representing healthy love instead of intense toxic situations and buffoonery.