Oh, how thankful I am to be alive! 

As this semester comes to an end, it being my one of my last semesters here at the University of Louisiana of Lafayette, I’ve been pondering my college experience, young adulthood and even life as a whole. My mind is always moving a thousand miles a minute, and rarely stays on one subject, so while others are stressing about finals, I’m busy reminiscing. 

Recently, I’ve been having health issues, which led to a pretty serious diagnosis that has impacted my day-to-day life greatly. Before my current diagnosis was identified, doctors were throwing around the possibility of me having cancer. This, in truth, left me in a perpetual state of shock for about two weeks. How did I go from having a few symptoms to potentially having cancer? 

Even though those were just thoughts and guesses from the doctors, my brain had already hyper- fixated on the idea that I was potentially terminally ill. I would sit and think about it often, allowing it to consume me, to the point where I was afraid to live out of fear of dying. I know that sounds weird, but that’s what it was. 

At one point or another, I realized that instead of fearing life, I should be embracing it. I’m 20 years old, and there’s still so many things I have left to experience. I’m a bit of a dreamer, so I subsequently began planning all these trips to foreign countries with only a few dollars to my name. I just kept praying that God would bless me with some funds soon. 

Once my diagnosis came, and it wasn’t cancer, it was as if my perspective didn’t shift much, but it shifted in a way that made more of an impact. I still wanted to do a whole bunch of spontaneous things. Obviously, the time frame was less restricted, but nonetheless, those goals were still super important. I, then, realized that I could implement that same mentality on a smaller scale in my everyday life. 

An area of my life where I implemented that mentality was work. I absolutely adore my job, but I always stayed in the lane of writing what I knew and what I was comfortable with. It never really occurred to me to step outside of that, considering that I was already well off in my area of expertise. 

However, a few opportunities had popped up recently for me to expand my horizons, and instead of brushing them off or leaving them for the next person, I accepted the calls. I can confidently say that was a really great decision of mine, if I do say so myself. It has opened me up to new worlds of professionalism and creativity, as well as allowed me to further sharpen and broaden my writing skills. 

Another area of life where I have begun to loosen the reins and allow myself to just experience it is personal relationships. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am very particular about the people I let close to me, and anyone who doesn’t fit the criteria will be held at the distance of a ten-foot pole. Some call this rude, I call it decisive. 

However, I’ve realized that my “decisiveness” has probably prohibited me from encountering good people more than it’s prevented me from experiencing bad ones. So, I told myself that I was going to let my guard down a bit and just experience people for who they are. We aren’t entitled to be friends with everyone we meet, so there’s no harm in getting to know someone, and finding out they just aren’t your cup of tea on a deep level, or any level at all. 

Something else that I have been mindful of a bit more is the concept of time, and how relative our lifespan is to it.

I don’t know about others, but I always feel like I’m running out of time. Sometimes, that assessment is correct, for I do have somewhat poor time management skills, however, other times, it’s simply just this innate inward pressure that developed from an external assertion of the concept. 

Realizing that I am about to graduate has really put “time” at the forefront of my brain. I continuously ask myself, “How much time do I have left before the outside world slaps me across the face?” or “Do I have enough time to figure out exactly what I’m going to do once I graduate?” It almost feels as if my life is a clock itself, and every time it approaches midnight, I’m shaking in my boots. 

Now imagine you have this kind of pressure, on top of thinking that you may only have a couple more years to live. The thought is horrendous, but that’s exactly where I was a couple months ago. Always looking for new ways to enrich my life, never stopping to enjoy what’s right in front of me. 

I’ve realized that it’s okay for me to simply exist. I know that God didn’t intend for humans to live lives full of stress, let alone stress about every little thing. He gifted us these lives so that we could enjoy His creation and worship him. I, for one, think that sounds and looks better. 

I am truly thankful to have been created, and to have made it to Earth. Though sometimes the world looks bleak, I still find so much beauty and wonder in the simplest things, such as watching nature blossom and understanding that I, along with all others, am here for a purpose. I may not know exactly what comes next, but I’m extremely grateful that I have the privilege to find out.