If you do not know anything about Louisiana, the one thing you must know is that we take Mardi Gras very seriously. It is the absolute biggest holiday celebrated here and pretty much every single person takes part in it, except for me.
All my life I grew up only being able to watch the parades on TV and forced to listen to the stories of Mardi Gras but never able to take part in them myself. The other kids would show off their beads and trinkets while proudly exclaiming about the types of floats they saw, and all I could relate to was the slice of king cake I had.
Every year I was filled with more and more anticipation, awaiting the day my family would take me to a parade. However, that day never came.
I will not lie, it honestly sucked not being able to celebrate this holiday. It is such a huge thing celebrated in Louisiana, which caused a part of me to always feel left out. My mom never really had a real reason for not letting me participate. Mainly just, “Because I said so.” And so, that answer had to be enough for me.
I will say that I managed the majority of the years, becoming comfortable with the fact that I was never going to be allowed to participate. However, once hitting highschool, this feeling of comfortability quickly left. The older I got, the harder it actually became for me to be okay with this notion.
During my junior year of highschool, all my friends had planned to get together, drive out to New Orleans and go to one of the parades held there. Yet, even at the age of 16, I still could not convince my mom to allow me to go.
Granted, as time has progressed, parades have gotten crazier. Nonetheless, parents were going to be present, and we swore that we would not leave their sight. We had it all planned out, but the attempt was deemed unsuccessful.
Even though I could not go, my friends still went anyway. Which I must say, I do not blame them; I never once would have expected them to give up their fun under the inconvenience of my situation.
Nonetheless, it was hard to just sit back and watch, forced to see their fun on every social media platform and never once being able to enjoy it for myself. Missing this time with them had really just felt like a huge slap in the face.
By being isolated from such a big holiday, loneliness easily took hold of me. Specifically during this time, every year. Everyone I knew was celebrating Mardi Gras, and the feeling of just watching on the sidelines was absolutely miserable.
To be stuck at home everyday during the Mardi Gras break, sitting and wondering what it would be like if I could see a parade for once, well, that was just a fantasy. A very distant fantasy. To just experience Mardi Gras as a whole would, honestly, be a dream come true for me.
As someone who has lived in Louisiana their whole life, a part of me felt like I was being stripped from my identity. It is hard to explain to some, but Mardi Gras is such a big piece of Louisiana’s culture, my culture. It is more than just a random celebration but a tradition that has become a way of life for many of us here in Louisiana.
The joy and community that it brings is unreachable. To not be able to celebrate this, makes me feel like I cannot acknowledge all of myself. It provides such a fun opportunity to spend genuine and valuable time with the people I love. In all wholeheartedness, by being refused the right to partake in this celebration, it created a void, and some disdain towards me towards it.
Over the years, I found myself quickly gaining resentment towards Mardi Gras. I took those feelings of isolation and turned them against the holiday itself. Now, unfortunately, I still feel this way. Maybe not as strongly though. I have grown enough as a person to not feel physical anger towards a holiday but I am still not the strongest fan of Mardi Gras.
When you go so long without taking part in a celebration, it’s hard to find love for it. So in all honesty, I simply do not care for Mardi Gras. Which really sucks for how big a role it plays in my culture.
However with all these opinions within me, part of me still wishes for the opportunity to attend a parade. At least once in my lifetime. And then, maybe, I can finally be able to participate in this wonderful Louisiana experience.