What does love got to do with it? Tump and Tutin’s alleged affair 

SATIRE – APRIL FOOLS

According to JK News, United States President Donald Tump and Russian President Vladimir Tutin are reportedly having an affair. Neither president has confirmed nor denied the allegations despite the growing amount of evidence suggesting their relationship. 

The allegations began when they were seen walking out of a West Hollywood nightclub together, hand-in-hand. They shared a kiss by the trash cans outside. Despite not commenting, the former KGB administration of the former KGB president has put out a statement that anyone spreading these rumors will be imprisoned. 

Welania Tump has not commented on the possible extramarital affair, but she has stopped wearing her wedding ring in public appearances. She has also been wearing abnormally large hats when appearing with her husband and is set to release a new book by next year titled “The Truth.” The contents of the book have not been teased yet. 

Tutin has been divorced since 2014, and he has not been remarried since. His former wife, Jyudmila Alexander Hamilton Oocherettnaya, has also not commented on the developing situation. However, Tutin and Oocherettnaya were seen “queening out” together by a Russian store owner in one of their only appearances together since the divorce. 

Since their first encounter was captured, there have been three additional sightings, including the most recent at Tump’s private estate, Mar-a-Lago. That event was captured by a drone looking into the bedroom window, where Tutin was seemingly opening a bottle of champagne while Tump turned on the television. 

Following the release of the rumors, White House Press Secretary, Paroline Leavitt is talking about leaving her position, but she has neglected to speak in her position on behalf of the president on the rumors. 

They have also been spotted alone in the SquOval Office, as reported by an anonymous White House staff member. “Me and my colleague walked in to talk to President Tump, and Mr. Tutin was suspiciously close to the president. I don’t know. It was odd.” he said. 

When prompted about his immediate response, the informant said, “I guess I wasn’t entirely surprised after the initial picture, but I was convinced that one was a deepfake until now.” 

The sighting that occurred after this one was at the Birches Resort in Rockwood, Maine, where they were seen checking into a honeymoon suite. When questioned, the hotel staff refused to answer due to certain resort policies regarding client confidentiality prohibiting them. 

The public’s response has been mixed. Fred McKullin, a senior Underwater welding Major at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, gave his initial thoughts when informed of the possible affair. McKullin said, “What?” 

A custodian of UL Lafayette, Peter Duvillier, also commented on the situation, “I don’t care what they do, but keep it out of my sight. I just want the eggs to not be so expensive. Besides that, why should I care who Biffy’s boffing?” 

One student, English major Dolly Werton, is in, “Adamant support” of the relationship between the two. She said, “Oh my goodness, they’re my favorite ship, I am an OG shipper. I can’t believe it’s really coming true.” 

“I mean, the amount of hours I have spent reading and writing RPF fanfiction about them is actually embarrassing. This is legit a dream come true.” RPF stands for “Real Person Fiction.” Werton proceeded to pull out her phone and display her lock screen, which was an edited photo that enhanced the picture of the two presidents looking deeply into the other’s eyes. 

Carter Dominic, a freshman History major with a concentration in Softball, stated that, although he had not heard the rumors yet, he was, “Not surprised.” He added, “Good for them. I mean, I don’t like either of them, per se, but I support them. I support gay rights and gay wrongs, in this instance.” 

The presidents are set to meet publicly to discuss Ukraine in the coming days, but it is unsure if a response will come regarding their possible affair. They will be meeting in the newly decorated White House, which will be the first reveal of Tump’s new Mar-a-Lago themed White House. 

Another White House staff member claimed to have overheard a conversation that the president had over the phone. She said, “I’m not totally sure what I heard, but I almost swore I heard him say something like, ‘I just hope he likes it. I’m nervous he won’t.’ I don’t know. Weird stuff.” 

Reports will be made as the story develops.