SATIRE – APRIL FOOLS
Ghosts have been reported to be causing elevator shutdowns at Agnes-Edwards Hall at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. The ghosts have been responsible for elevator shortages and malfunctions, as well as the eerie feeling in the basement. According to FakeNews10 a former student, Michael Myers, was found deceased in one of the elevators of Agnes-Edwards Hall at 11:59 p.m. on Friday the 13, which left students in utter shock.
Jason Voorhees, a friend of Myers and a senior majoring in How-To-Kill-101, commented on the horrific scene, “Yeah dude, I was a close friend of Myers, we were majoring in the same major and knew each other well. I can’t believe this happened to him, I didn’t think anyone would be able to pull it off, to be honest. He was a good friend, he taught me how to hide bodies well. I’ll never forget him.”
Judith Myers, the sister of Michael Myers, who is a sophomore currently majoring in How-Not-To-Die-102, stated, “My brother was always a loose cannon. I wouldn’t say that I expected his every move, because I never have, but for him to go out this way, in an elevator to say the least, is pretty traumatic for me.”
Students and faculty alike have been mourning over the loss of Myers, and in response, faculty have been putting in major precautions for students who decide to use the elevators at Agnes-Edwards Hall, dedicating to fix them so no one else gets hurt. However, despite their new precautions and dedications, the elevators still seem faulty and have still been causing major issues and trauma recently.
Laurie Strode, a friend of Judith Myers who is a junior also majoring in How-Not-To-Die-102, remarked, “I was going to my friend Judith’s room in Agnes Hall and since her room is on the third floor, I wanted to take the elevator. I wish I hadn’t. When I got in the elevator, it was around 10 p.m. and everything seemed to be working fine until the elevator door shut.”
“Then the elevator dropped suddenly to the basement, rose quickly to the top floor and then dropped quickly to the basement again. It was horrifying. I had to lay down on the elevator floor in hopes of bracing for impact.”
“After it dropped to the basement for the second time the doors opened and in front of me I could’ve sworn I saw Judith’s younger brother, Michael, standing in front of me holding a weapon. I was so scared I ran out of the elevator to the stairs and left the building altogether.”
Strode reported her mysterious incident to the UL Lafayette Police Department right afterward at reportedly 10:47 p.m., but the case was dismissed the next day and she was sent to active therapy as they concluded that there was no way she had seen Myers when he was found and buried a week prior. However, police reports have shown that Strode was not the only UL Lafayette student who reported having an incident at Agnes-Edwards Hall.
Jamie Lloyd, a freshman with an undecided major, commented, “I will never go to Agnes-Edwards Hall the rest of my stay here at the University. I only went there once to visit a friend, and the elevator kept rising and dropping repeatedly before sending me to the basement where I saw a creepy man holding a weapon. It was absolutely horrifying. I think I screamed so loud that night that everyone on campus heard me.”
Lloyd was only one of the many students whose stories lined up directly with Strode’s, making it not a coincidence. The police department at UL Lafayette has strictly removed all access from the elevator at Agnes Hall, as well as the basement. They also deployed heavy surveillance on the stairway to monitor who goes up or down them. The police officers patrol from sundown to sunup, since all cases have mentioned that they happened at night.
UL Lafayette is making plans to demolish and rebuild Agnes-Edwards Hall completely in hopes of never having an issue this serious happen again on campus. The new dormitory will strictly only have stairs that will be well lit at all times and have a red panic button on every floor that will notify police in case of emergency.
UL Lafayette is taking extra steps to ensure that all remaining and future students stay safe on campus, no matter what dormitory they choose to stay in.