Recently, I saw this TikTok made by a man who sang this song to the theme of “Pretty Little Liars”, and it was about being a “big back” and “losing weight to get a summer body.” My initial reaction was “Why did he make this?”, but as I kept scrolling, I continued to see more videos with the same rhetoric. When I look at pictures of “summer bodies” for women, most of them are thin, sometimes muscular, with booties that are made of more muscles than fat.
I know that my body doesn’t look like that, so does that mean that I don’t have a “summer body?” As I thought about the answer to that question, I took a trip down memory lane to recall my weight journey and how I came into the body I have today. I was always a skinny girl when I was younger. My mom would always tell me that I was the size of her pinkie.
Being tall and having a high metabolism helped distribute my weight more, so even when I hit 169 pounds, I still looked relatively thin. I think the biggest thing on me, until around 10th grade, was my thighs, and they were still small, in my eyes. I remember hating my body so much. Looking at my mom, who is a very curvy woman, I would always get frustrated with myself because I looked nothing like that.
Girls all around me through each year of school seemed to be developing breasts, wearing training bras, transitioning to real ones, having guys comment on their butts, etc., and here I was, falling behind the curve, literally. I would walk through life feeling disgusted with my thinness, wanting to gain weight more than anything. I also began to realize that while bigger girls were my weight goals, for some of them, I was theirs, which I didn’t understand.
Around my junior year of high school, I began to gain weight and see my shape forming. My bra size had gone from B to C, I had a small yet noticeable butt and I had a little stomach as well. I don’t think I had ever been more obsessed with my body.
I was finally feeling more comfortable with the skin I was in, and to me, that was everything. It also didn’t hurt that more guys had begun to notice me as well.
That summer, I was so excited to go to the water park and show off my new “beach bum.” My stomach had gotten a little bigger, but I had on a high-waisted bathing suit, so I wasn’t too worried about it.
When I approached one of the water slides, a group of white girls were standing in line in front of me.
One of them turned around, looked at me, and began laughing. Another one said, “She must really think she looks cute in that bathing suit.” Another said, “Maybe if she lost a couple pounds, it’d fit right.” I was so embarrassed. I wanted to run out of the line, but I was so close to getting on the slide. I got on, cried the whole way down, and didn’t leave my chair the entire rest of the visit. For the first time ever, I wanted to be skinny.
As summer approaches, I consider the fact that I am now two sizes bigger than I was back then. Everything about my body is bigger, and in my opinion, better. However, it seems that everyone else, meaning the general populace, still seems to think I’d be better off skinny for the summer. I see ads for bathing suits and think, “I wonder if they’ll have that in my size” each time. While some may see that as a sign for me to lose weight, I don’t.
I just take it as a sign to go shop somewhere that has plus-size clothing.
This summer, I plan to visit many beaches and water parks, without allowing the fear of a societal stigma to corrupt my confidence in myself and my body.
Everyone will see my 231-pound self frolicking along the shore in my bikini, and I dare somebody to say something. Instead of running away or crying, I’ll gladly recite a few choice words about their fatphobic tendencies and ignorance.
Women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, and have “summer bodies.” I hate that term, particularly because it idolizes a certain body type that may not fit everyone, and makes it seem like only those with that body are “made for summer.”
As a society, we should strive to create a culture where all body types are welcome all year-round, instead of praising and uplifting one, just because we may find it more appealing.
So, if you want to know what a “summer body” looks like, walk by the nearest mirror and take a good, long look. See you at the beach!