Why should we have to pick sides? 

“An embodiment of different qualities.” 

Oh, how I wish I could’ve heard it in those terms. That’s how I would define my experience being biracial. 

However, society has its own ways of doing things. 

Instead of growing up embracing the idea that I was biracial, mixed with white and black, I ended up regretting it. 

“Why couldn’t both my parents be the same race?” A question that made itself at home in my mind only because I was constantly faced with the comments of “too black,” “white-washed,” etc., growing up.

At first, the concept is dressed up as a blessing, only when it comes to physical appearance. To be tanned or light-skinned with curly hair that seems manageable, people think that you must feel on top of the world. But frankly, who cares? To only be liked or pursued because you have physical attributes people admire and not because of who you actually are, is not as good as it seems. 

It wasn’t until I hit middle school that other students took notice of my skin color. I wasn’t dark enough to be fully black, and I wasn’t light enough to be fully white. 

This made it insanely hard to find a group to call my own. Other kids started putting me into this stereotypical box simply because of the fact that I was mixed, shaping me in ways I wish I never had to experience. 

It wasn’t uncommon for my classmates to tell me straight to my face that I was too whitewashed, which I didn’t even know was a thing. 

Growing up, it was my mom and grandparents who raised me, who, if you couldn’t guess, are white. Therefore, I was bound to pick up their cultural behaviors compared to others, making others upset that I wasn’t behaving differently. 

To be called whitewashed essentially means that I was not black enough by others’ standards. By using this term, we are saying that because we have a certain skin color, we are assumed to act a certain way. 

Can we please understand now, as a society, how derogatory that statement is? In our underdeveloped minds, we put these notions that to not be whitewashed, specifically when it comes to being black, you have to listen to enough rap music, have enough slang in your speech or conform to whatever other stereotypes we place on certain cultures. 

How can we be okay with throwing this term around? Why, as people of color, are we stereotyping ourselves? Just to do what, stop certain people from being in our clique? It’s so disheartening. 

So then I must argue, how do we fight for equality between races and cultures? If we truly want to be understood by others, no matter our ethnicity, then we have to allow other people who are different from us into our lives so that we can grow in relationship with one another instead of allowing tension to form. We have to be willing to let them in and not judge them by our differences in our lifestyles. 

By being so comfortable with this dynamic, as someone who is biracial, I have gone a number of years wondering if I’d ever fit in with anyone. 

It wasn’t until later in high school that I finally found a friend group that I felt comfortable in. Which I am forever grateful for. 

Now, no matter the thoughts I get now or comments I hold onto from the past, I can truly be comfortable in who I am. I now understand I was created the way I was for a reason, and am able to find joy in that. 

For a long time, I looked at myself as the mixed girl who was too dark but was always whitewashed. Now I have the privilege, through the love of others, that I can just look at myself as Ja’lyn, and never before have I realized all the beauty encompassed in this statement until now. 

All in all, people aren’t always the best; that’s just the truth, and they will try to bring you down in any way, shape, or form. But let’s be real. Being mixed wasn’t always easy, and no one should ever experience more difficulties in life simply because of their race. 

As a society, we need to stop building all these unnecessary walls and just start letting people into our lives. We need to learn to love, serve and support others who are fighting for equality. Not just in the world, but in our minds too, because change can’t start if we never have the intention of supporting it.