It starts small, graduating from preschool, then eventually elementary, same for middle and, of course, high school. Now that I am in college, everything I ever had is almost, in a sense, gone. No one to do your laundry, no one’s paying for your dinner and, worst of all, there’s no one to cook you meals every night. It truly is an interesting feeling.

Since being in college, I am what some would call an adult. Yet, I am not quite sure what actually defines an adult. Is it my age? Or possibly my maturity? Could it be my year in school?

I heard someone once say it was your life’s experiences–what you go through determines how old you truly are. I guess that’s why some people say “they grew up before they had to.” However, I feel as though I’m just my age, 20. Not necessarily an adult but definitely a girl doing her best, growing up.

I don’t feel like an adult unless I’m doing “adult things.” For example, paying my utility bill, that felt very “adult” to me, or scheduling a doctor’s appointment (that was terrifying). Does adulthood even feel like anything? What am I supposed to do and how do I know when I’ve officially reached that mark?

When I was younger, I grew up with my grandparents. Both my mom and dad were in and out of my life. They were only a part of it whenever it was convenient for them, I assume. So it’s hard to say what an adult is supposed to be like, because, well, I never had a sturdy one growing up.

I am a strong believer in a united family building up a child. Don’t get me wrong, single mothers, single fathers and even grandparents can raise a child into a successful adult. Yet, there’s a stability that is brought into one’s life when it’s done so with two strong parental figures.

As someone who grew up without that, it leaves me to question if I’m doing this whole thing right. Fortunately, my grandparents did a great job raising me. I am forever grateful for the mark they left on my life. 

However, they grew up in a time that can’t relate to the time I’m living in now. I never saw a work-life balance; they were both retired. They couldn’t guide me through college because they never understood what it was like.

I fear there are so many things that you naturally catch on to simply by watching your parents handle them. There are so many questions that I carry before I can become this so-called adult. Who am I to look up to anyways?

How do I form strong, long-lasting relationships? What does it look like to have respectable relationships with authority? Is this job worth it? Are these good benefits?

This is the hard part nobody talks about. It’s one thing to do something on your own; it’s another to never have any sort of precedent before you. Without that, not only are you doing it alone, but blindly. In my opinion, this is a dangerous way to live.

As I’ve mentioned, I didn’t have those people to guide me and I’m sure there are a lot of others who can relate. It’s important, though, not to dwell on the fact that we lacked these certain figures in our lives. 

I do think it’s a little harder than average, not always sure what steps are necessary to take, but I still believe we are as capable as the next person.

For those reading, doing their best to grow up into the successful adult they’re meant to be but not quite sure how. I offer you this: let’s do it together. Let’s face what the world has in store for us. Because honestly, at this point, the only way for us to know what to do next is to simply try, make the mistakes, take accountability and learn from them.

Henry Ford once said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

So, it most certainly won’t be easy. Maybe we have great guides, maybe we have no guides at all, but there’s still opportunity. We just have to learn what it looks like to step into this new era of our lives.

Personally, I think this whole growing up idea doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it out to be. 

Adulthood can look different for everybody, and it will look different. That doesn’t mean we got it wrong, we just found a way that works for us specifically.

Honestly, I think that is the true definition of adulthood–living in a way that supports your full growth potential.