As generations come and go, we could make up a multitude of definitions for the term friendship. For one person, it could mean being by someone’s side. Maybe for another, it’s the aspect of sharing life with them. For others, it could simply be the action of creating memories. Or maybe it’s all the above.
We all know who we consider to be our friends; as you’re reading this, someone is coming to your mind at the moment, imagining them as I list off all the different ways of what makes someone a friend. So I must ask, what did it take for that person to be a friend?
In the midst of life and getting to know people, it can be easy to build up multiple friendships, sometimes even at once. Oh, how beautiful, to connect with a multitude of people. I understand it is not like this for everyone; however, especially in college, it is pretty hard not to meet new people.
This is a good thing. This is how we build community, how we grow as individuals: Surrounding ourselves with well-rounded people.
However, too many friendships can lead to a downside most of us never anticipate. I’m not saying being well known is bad. But being well known and being known deeply are two different things that we easily confuse. When we have a big friend group, becoming the person that everyone knows, we start to lose true connection.
Yes, you and that other person are connected in the hobbies you share. But compare that connection to the person who walked with you through that messy season of your life. Which bond is deeper?
Since I’ve been in college, I would say I pride myself in fighting to make new relationships, getting to know all those I meet. But in doing so, all my friendships have come to a standstill.
You would think the more friends you make, the closer connections you would have. Yet, I’ve unfortunately found that isn’t true.
When your only circle is over five people, it can be hard to make sound relationships; instead, everything ends up being surface level. Sometimes it’s too many relationships to balance, so there’s not time to deepen the bonds, and maybe these are the types of relationships you want and nothing more. But don’t you get lonely? I know I do.
Having a big group of friends is good; there’s nothing wrong with it, but having even just two friends who have such a strong bond with one another is something great. To go through life with someone who knows you better than anyone else. Someone who will always be there for you.
Going into my third year of college, I find myself grieving this. I hate that I missed the chance to create a best friend, a person who knows me completely. By trying to foster knowing everyone else, I never let someone, just one person, get to know me.
Having one best friend versus a group of 10 friends can offer you more stability in a relationship rather than just their presence. At some point, someone’s presence isn’t enough, and your soul will long for more sustenance. This is where those close friends come into play.
I’d be lying to you if I told you I don’t get jealous of best friends. I want to have that person I can always hang out with. A person who I can call at 1 a.m. and not have to feel guilty or bothersome. I’m glad I have friends (if I can even qualify to use this term), but I yearn for that special person. A friend that will last forever. No fear of ever losing them and having that safety net of always having someone by my side.
I mentioned earlier how upset I am about missing out on that chance. However, as I write this, I want to end it with hope. Third year of college or not, there are still people out there. People who are freeing, peaceful and refreshing. Let us, if you’re in the same boat as me, strive to find these people. With a desire to find that close group, let us make friends with those around us and let this group become more than friends, but a family.
It has to be possible. It is possible. Stop getting caught up in knowing everyone and sit with someone, truly get to know them and let them get to know you. Let our relations in this world reach beyond the surface.