SATIRE — The state of Louisiana made the controversial decision to abolish all roads in the state. This decision took place on Dec. 13, 2022, and action is finally taking place and being publicized.

Sen. Julius Pepperwood was a major advocate for the decision. Pepperwood shares the motive behind the state’s decision for the big, new change.

Pepperwood said, “There are far too many people who just simply cannot drive. Plus, the way the roads are configured is horrendous. We just decided that everything would be better if there were no roads.” 

Regina Phalange, a student at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette shares her experiences with walking and dealing with cars on campus. 

Phalange said, “I encounter too many people trying to drive through the crosswalk when it’s time for the pedestrians to go. People just don’t get how crosswalks work.”

Phalange also shared her thoughts on the abolishment of roads. “I am really happy that roads are being taken away. Maybe everyone will be able to get around much easier.”

Ken Adams, another student at UL Lafayette shares his feelings about losing roads. “I think getting rid of roads is so dumb. I love driving around and getting stuck in traffic all the time.” 

People may be concerned with how they are supposed to transport around the state. The options people will have now are walking, taking a boat in the river or the new transportation system, Air Transit. 

Art Vandelay shares his concerns about using boat transport. He said, “What about the animals in the river? Or what if people start drowning and get in boat accidents? I’m very worried about boats being used.” 

Air Transit was designed to move people around in a quick and efficient way because it will not have to follow a road system, meaning it can follow the quickest route. The Air Transit will drop a moving walkway down from above allowing people to board. This is the same way people will be able to get off.

There will be two types of these Air Transit systems. One will travel within specific cities and will be called Air Transit Local. The other will take longer trips to allow people to travel across the state and will be called the Air Transit Express. 

The Air Transit Express will have stations located in bigger cities throughout Louisiana. The first stations to be built are Lafayette, New Orleans and Baton Rouge. Unlike the Air Transit Local, people will be dropped off at a station rather than the exact location they wanted to be at. 

What makes the Air Transit so efficient is that it does not fly as high as airplanes, so it’s very accessible. Because of the height they fly at, they will run into birds and trees that are taller, but passengers will be compensated with a random gift card if they have a traumatic experience. 

It’s also environmentally friendly because it runs on grass. Citizens will be required to collect the grass cuttings after they mow their lawns and turn it in to be used to fuel the Air Transit systems. 

The senator further shared that they will consider re-establishing a road system, but not after 5 years without roads. Pepperwood explains that the roads being taken away is a solution but it’s almost a punishment as well. 

Pepperwood said, “People just couldn’t use the roads properly so we took them away.”

Pepperwood also shared that they believe in the new solution. 

“We truly have faith in the Air Transit system and believe that it will make people forget about cars and roads,” Pepperwood said.